The Real Me

“Ok everyone back to their seats!” The students hurried back to their desks with their paper plates full of candy and cookies. “I have prepared some superlative awards in honor of our celebration of your 5^th grade graduation!” said our teacher, Mrs. Trimner. “Callie Miller, Prettiest hair ribbons! Oh, how beautiful they are! Brennen Stearns, Class clown! I’ll miss your sense of humor!” I knew my name was coming next; I sat in worried anticipation, wondering what award I would be given. “Kelsey Iglesias, Stress Queen of the Class!” For as long as I can remember, I have been labeled a perfectionist by those around me. It began when I was only ten years old. Perfectionism can have both positive and negative effects. In one respect, I have always had high standards for my achievements and am always pushing myself to be better. On another, I let those expectations of having to be the best get in the way of opening myself up to significant life experiences.

Seven years later as a junior in high school, I still struggled with my perfectionism as I accepted no less then an A in all my classes. It was around that time that a friend suggested I go on a school retreat called Live Jesus. The retreat entailed four days of getting to know others, but most importantly getting to know yourself, through various activities and personal sharing. On the last night of the retreat, the group was instructed to go outside and sit in absolute silence. We were to reflect on our experience and think about where we wanted it to take us. Something about sitting in silence in the dark ironically gave me a sense of clarity. It was then when I realized that I had to change. Though school and grades and doing well will forever be an important part of me, I realized that my relationships and leadership abilities were equally important. It was from then on that I began to be more involved in school than I had ever been, and tried to make an effort not to allow grades to consume my life.

My opportunity to apply my new mentality came in the form of a school youth group called Basic. At Basic, we meet once a week to discuss certain topics and struggles that we, as students, experience in our daily lives. Last year Basic was run by a group of seniors who I admired for their leadership abilities. This year it was my responsibility to lead for my classmates. As Wednesday night drew nearer, my routine worrying kicked in as I questioned whether or not I was capable of filling such big shoes. After a few icebreakers, I began the discussion on the topic of pressure. Listening to everyone open up and help one another about the pressure and stress that also affected me, relieved as well as thrilled me as I saw my efforts and leadership helping others.

When I was able to finally to accept myself for the person I was, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Though I still had high expectations for my schoolwork, I evolved into a more well-rounded person, and thus had the ability to help others in the process. I gained a new found confidence in myself and in my ability as a leader. It is this outlook I hope to bring to UF in order to build the school community and form lasting relationships. I hope to use my leadership abilities to serve and help others who may be struggling in the same way I have in the past. What I learned on my Live Jesus retreat I believe will help me not only contribute to the UF community, but also help me to evolve into a more caring, and selfless individual.